Love's Varieties

In ancient times people believed that the liver was the seat of emotion in the body. Later civilizations came to believe that the heart ruled our emotions. In the chapter entitled Love's Varieties of his book Social Intelligence, Daniel Goleman reveals that it is in fact the brain that drives emotion, particularly love.

Goleman clinically dissects love into three categories:

• attachment,
• care giving, and
• sex,

each of which is controlled by brain chemistry and wiring.

Attachment is the type of love that brings us together and causes us to miss someone when they are absent. Care giving love gives us the desire to nurture people for whom we have concern. Sexual love involves physical togetherness. To further complicate the already complex emotion called love, the male and female brains respond differently to the same stimuli. In new relationships the male brain responds to physical attributes in a would-be partner, while the female brain responds to the partner’s ability to provide.

Research has shown that relationships offering a secure base from which one can venture out into the world also provides the most healthy benefits. The more positive moments that a couple shares and the more opportunities that they have for togetherness, the stronger their relationship will be. As partners spend time together their brains wire in similar patterns. Partners may mimic each others facial expressions to the point where as they age partners begin to wrinkle in similar patterns causing them to look alike.

This talk of love calls to mind the advise offered by Saint Paul to the Corinthians (1 Cor 4 -8) “Love is patient; love is kind; love is not envious or boastful or arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice in wrongdoing, but rejoices in the truth. It bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things."

Patience and kindness are both attributes of care giving. The ability to demonstrate concern for the needs of your partner, agreeing to do things together without resentment or anger and remaining truthful to each other are all signs of attuning to the needs of your partner. Science now shows that these attributes spoken about by Saint Paul will contribute to a long martial union that will bear all things, believe all things, hope all things and endure all things. These ancient words spoken at many wedding ceremonies are truly the keys to a long and lasting relationship.